And the Beat Goes On...
November 10, 2008
Ahhh...the melody of words. Don't you love it? Melodic writing truly is music to the ears.
But the melody I want to talk about today isn't necessarily created through the use of lyrical, literary, or eloquent words. It's the rhythm of a well-crafted sentence, created when we develop an ear for the beat.
Here are two versions each of four passages, none of which would be considered eloquent, and yet I believe they demonstrate varying levels of music through the beat. Which do you like better? (BTW, the first three examples are in the voice of a 12-year-old girl).
Example #1:
1. I knelt beside her and pulled back a branch of waxy green leaves. "You mean that skinny kid with the spiked hair? The one over there by the cemetery?"
2. I knelt down on the ground beside her and pulled back a branch of waxy green leaves. "You mean that kid over there by the cemetery? The one who is skinny and has spiked hair?
Example #2:
1. It felt like sandpaper on sunburned skin.
2. It felt like sandpaper on a day-old sunburn.
Example #3:
1. One day we'll strike it rich together, and then we'll have lots of food and the mailbox will be full of money instead of past-due bills, and we'll have nice clothes.
2. One day we'll strike it rich together, and then we'll have nice clothes and lots of food and the mailbox will be full of money instead of past-due bills.
Example #4:
1. It's not that she really lied or anything. She just kinda stretched the truth. Made it a little more exciting. After all, a great story must have a WOW factor. And the fact that God said not to eat the fruit just wasn't WOW enough. So she invented another rule: They couldn't touch the fruit, either. It was a minor point, but it was a major problem.
2. It's not that she really lied or anything. She just kinda stretched the truth. Made it a little more exciting. After all, a great story must have a WOW factor. And the fact that God said not to eat the fruit just wasn't WOW enough. So she invented another rule: They couldn't touch the fruit, either. Minor point. Major problem.
So, what did you think? Did you have a favorite between each of the two choices? I sure did, and I'll tell you why.
Example #1: I liked A best. First of all, the overall writing is much tighter. The B version includes unnecessary words, such as down and on the ground. Let's face it, have you ever seen anybody kneel up? And since the scene had already been established as being outside, it's redundant to say she knelt on the ground. Also, the dialogue is stilted and too wordy. How often do we say, "He is skinny"? In conversation, we're more likely to use contractions. And I like ending with cemetery rather than hair. Not only does it have a better beat, but it leaves the reader with a more powerful image. Isn't a cemetery more visual than hair?
Example #2: The B sentence is my choice for a couple of reasons. First, sunburned skin simply isn't as descriptive a simile as a day-old sunburn. And again, take a look at the last word in each sentence. Ending the sentence with sunburn leaves the reader with a vivid picture. Skin is just skin. Sunburn is red and painful and hot. Ouch!
Example #3: If you chose B, we're on the same page. I prefer the way the items build in both the length of the phrases and in the intensity of the need. After all, nice clothes are good to have and food is necessary for life, but if you have lots of money in the mailbox, you can have both! And oh, can you hear the better beat?
Example #4: I know you had to read a lot of the same sentences, but I wanted you to feel and hear the beat in the first paragraph in order to hear the change of rhythm in the second. Can you see and hear that changing to short, choppy phrases in the B sample made the point much more powerful?
So, did we make the same choices? I'd be happy to hear your thoughts. In the meantime, I hope we all make an effort to develop the rhythm of writing. After all, we want our words to be music to our readers' ears!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kudos To...
I forgot to remind you last week to let me know about your publishing successes, so this month's list is short. ;-(
1. Jo Rae Johnson (SC) has received word that her article, Garden Sense, will be published in The Ultimate Gardener book in March 2009! Jo Rae just keeps adding to her anthology collection. Congratulations!
2. Susan Dollyhigh (NC). Susan's story, What Does a Quarter Buy?, was a grand prize winner in Women of Faith's Shine the Light contest in the September/October issue of Connection Magazine. Hoo-wee! Hey Susan, could you get us all in to see Patsy Clairmont? ;-)
3. Jennifer Thomas, Ph.D. (NC). I was thrilled to see that Jennifer's book, The Five Languages of Apology, co-written with Dr. Gary Chapman, was on the Christian Booksellers Association best seller list-again! Congratulations, Jennifer!
4. Elaine Carr (SC) will have a devotional in the Spring 2009 issue of The Secret Place. It will appear in both the magazine and on their website. Way to go, Elaine!
Congrats to all these writers. If any of you have been blessed with a publishing credit, received a contract, or placed in a contest, please go ahead and let me know and it'll be included next month. I don't want us to miss the opportunity to celebrate with you!
And don't forget to check back next week, where you'll find a list of writing opportunities posted just for you. Who knows-maybe you'll be on the kudos list in 2009!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll Be on The Harvest Show (TV) and Along the Way (Radio) This Week!
Most likely, by the time you read this, I'll be on my way to South Bend, Indiana, for an interview on The Harvest Show this Wednesday, November 12. The show will be live at 9am (ET) and is also taped for later showings. You can watch it live here and email a question, if you'd like. (Just go easy on me, okay?) I hope you'll check your local listings for a showing in your area.
And on Friday, November 14, I have the privilege of being interviewed on the Along the Way radio program in the upper midwest. If you're not in the area, you can catch it live through internet streaming here.
I hope you get a chance to catch one or both of these programs. And even if you can't, will you pray that I'll speak with confidence and assurance? After all, I'll be sharing the truths of God, and that's a reason to be confident and assured!
Thank you for your encouragement!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Year is Almost Over...
...but I still have a few more events for 2008 and would love to see you there!
* Anderson, SC. Anderson County Museum Mistletoe Market, November 14-15. Come and yet your Christmas shopping done!
* Maryville, TN. Victory Baptist Church Women's Event, November 22. For more information, call the church at 865-982-2461.
* Moore, SC. Poplar Springs Baptist Church Women's Event , December 2. Call the church for more information: 864-576-0623.
* Simpsonville, SC. Westside Church Dinner Theater, December 6. I'm thrilled to be part of the cast of "Christmas Crosstalk," an entertaining reminder that Christmas isn't just another holiday, but the opportunity to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Oh, I LOVE drama! Call the church at 864-963-7262 for more information. (Reservations required.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we go through our week, I pray our eyes will be open to the opportunities to be servants. As Jesus said:
"The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28
I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,
Vonda
Ahhh...the melody of words. Don't you love it? Melodic writing truly is music to the ears.
But the melody I want to talk about today isn't necessarily created through the use of lyrical, literary, or eloquent words. It's the rhythm of a well-crafted sentence, created when we develop an ear for the beat.
Here are two versions each of four passages, none of which would be considered eloquent, and yet I believe they demonstrate varying levels of music through the beat. Which do you like better? (BTW, the first three examples are in the voice of a 12-year-old girl).
Example #1:
1. I knelt beside her and pulled back a branch of waxy green leaves. "You mean that skinny kid with the spiked hair? The one over there by the cemetery?"
2. I knelt down on the ground beside her and pulled back a branch of waxy green leaves. "You mean that kid over there by the cemetery? The one who is skinny and has spiked hair?
Example #2:
1. It felt like sandpaper on sunburned skin.
2. It felt like sandpaper on a day-old sunburn.
Example #3:
1. One day we'll strike it rich together, and then we'll have lots of food and the mailbox will be full of money instead of past-due bills, and we'll have nice clothes.
2. One day we'll strike it rich together, and then we'll have nice clothes and lots of food and the mailbox will be full of money instead of past-due bills.
Example #4:
1. It's not that she really lied or anything. She just kinda stretched the truth. Made it a little more exciting. After all, a great story must have a WOW factor. And the fact that God said not to eat the fruit just wasn't WOW enough. So she invented another rule: They couldn't touch the fruit, either. It was a minor point, but it was a major problem.
2. It's not that she really lied or anything. She just kinda stretched the truth. Made it a little more exciting. After all, a great story must have a WOW factor. And the fact that God said not to eat the fruit just wasn't WOW enough. So she invented another rule: They couldn't touch the fruit, either. Minor point. Major problem.
So, what did you think? Did you have a favorite between each of the two choices? I sure did, and I'll tell you why.
Example #1: I liked A best. First of all, the overall writing is much tighter. The B version includes unnecessary words, such as down and on the ground. Let's face it, have you ever seen anybody kneel up? And since the scene had already been established as being outside, it's redundant to say she knelt on the ground. Also, the dialogue is stilted and too wordy. How often do we say, "He is skinny"? In conversation, we're more likely to use contractions. And I like ending with cemetery rather than hair. Not only does it have a better beat, but it leaves the reader with a more powerful image. Isn't a cemetery more visual than hair?
Example #2: The B sentence is my choice for a couple of reasons. First, sunburned skin simply isn't as descriptive a simile as a day-old sunburn. And again, take a look at the last word in each sentence. Ending the sentence with sunburn leaves the reader with a vivid picture. Skin is just skin. Sunburn is red and painful and hot. Ouch!
Example #3: If you chose B, we're on the same page. I prefer the way the items build in both the length of the phrases and in the intensity of the need. After all, nice clothes are good to have and food is necessary for life, but if you have lots of money in the mailbox, you can have both! And oh, can you hear the better beat?
Example #4: I know you had to read a lot of the same sentences, but I wanted you to feel and hear the beat in the first paragraph in order to hear the change of rhythm in the second. Can you see and hear that changing to short, choppy phrases in the B sample made the point much more powerful?
So, did we make the same choices? I'd be happy to hear your thoughts. In the meantime, I hope we all make an effort to develop the rhythm of writing. After all, we want our words to be music to our readers' ears!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kudos To...
I forgot to remind you last week to let me know about your publishing successes, so this month's list is short. ;-(
1. Jo Rae Johnson (SC) has received word that her article, Garden Sense, will be published in The Ultimate Gardener book in March 2009! Jo Rae just keeps adding to her anthology collection. Congratulations!
2. Susan Dollyhigh (NC). Susan's story, What Does a Quarter Buy?, was a grand prize winner in Women of Faith's Shine the Light contest in the September/October issue of Connection Magazine. Hoo-wee! Hey Susan, could you get us all in to see Patsy Clairmont? ;-)
3. Jennifer Thomas, Ph.D. (NC). I was thrilled to see that Jennifer's book, The Five Languages of Apology, co-written with Dr. Gary Chapman, was on the Christian Booksellers Association best seller list-again! Congratulations, Jennifer!
4. Elaine Carr (SC) will have a devotional in the Spring 2009 issue of The Secret Place. It will appear in both the magazine and on their website. Way to go, Elaine!
Congrats to all these writers. If any of you have been blessed with a publishing credit, received a contract, or placed in a contest, please go ahead and let me know and it'll be included next month. I don't want us to miss the opportunity to celebrate with you!
And don't forget to check back next week, where you'll find a list of writing opportunities posted just for you. Who knows-maybe you'll be on the kudos list in 2009!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll Be on The Harvest Show (TV) and Along the Way (Radio) This Week!
Most likely, by the time you read this, I'll be on my way to South Bend, Indiana, for an interview on The Harvest Show this Wednesday, November 12. The show will be live at 9am (ET) and is also taped for later showings. You can watch it live here and email a question, if you'd like. (Just go easy on me, okay?) I hope you'll check your local listings for a showing in your area.
And on Friday, November 14, I have the privilege of being interviewed on the Along the Way radio program in the upper midwest. If you're not in the area, you can catch it live through internet streaming here.
I hope you get a chance to catch one or both of these programs. And even if you can't, will you pray that I'll speak with confidence and assurance? After all, I'll be sharing the truths of God, and that's a reason to be confident and assured!
Thank you for your encouragement!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Year is Almost Over...
...but I still have a few more events for 2008 and would love to see you there!
* Anderson, SC. Anderson County Museum Mistletoe Market, November 14-15. Come and yet your Christmas shopping done!
* Maryville, TN. Victory Baptist Church Women's Event, November 22. For more information, call the church at 865-982-2461.
* Moore, SC. Poplar Springs Baptist Church Women's Event , December 2. Call the church for more information: 864-576-0623.
* Simpsonville, SC. Westside Church Dinner Theater, December 6. I'm thrilled to be part of the cast of "Christmas Crosstalk," an entertaining reminder that Christmas isn't just another holiday, but the opportunity to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Oh, I LOVE drama! Call the church at 864-963-7262 for more information. (Reservations required.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we go through our week, I pray our eyes will be open to the opportunities to be servants. As Jesus said:
"The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28
I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,
Vonda
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